How Can Mothers Be Human?
Some days turn into a riot.
Gas levers transform into space ship controls.
Mouse poison is pincered with a finger and thumb;
I found it under the radiator Mum.
Bedsheets are reimagined by a skilful tailor
using left handed safety scissors (Oh Crap)
Where can I be a human?
Your radar picks up on my PMT.
It seems irritation is a contagion,
and my frustration overflows
as water cascades out of the bath
over and over, you laugh,
until I shout
Stop! Just (bloody) stop.
The A Team excel in their operations
with their high tech action montages.
But if I don’t bring my A game
the whole script falls apart,
and no one knows what the running order is
and it all descends to back foot and arguments.
Where is the space for my humanity
when I am holding the space for yours?
‘Be the captain of the ship’ the books say.
What if I’m sea sick and can’t set sail?
The family vessel takes on water
until we are nowhere good and
anger is crashing in from all sides.
No place in the morning
when the porridge needs so much (fricking) attention
and the remote can’t be found
and lego cars are smashing into walls
and the Scooby Do gang need their voices.
No room here.
Not down Appledoor Avenue where you bound ahead
not taking heed of driveways and indicators.
Getting out of the wrong side of bed
leads me to bellow.
I want to be firm but fair,
instead I’m pulling out my eyeballs
and then guilt and despair leads to me to this:
‘Am I damaging you?’
The day defiantly goes better when I’m feeling better.
I have the space to laugh at your poo jokes
or you pulling off the car seat mirror. Again. (Fuck)
Or your sincere excuse as to why you broke the placemat in two
I can reflect back to you
that it’s all okay.
Your eyes are like moons.
You literally are the most beautiful thing
I have ever seen.
It kills me that when I am having a human day,
and my nerves are frayed,
your chaotic displays
just don’t fit inside me.
And I shout
and lash out
and everything just goes to shit.
Cause I am a human too,
but I don’t want to put all of that onto you.