Some days turn into a riot.

Gas levers transform into space ship controls.

Mouse poison is pincered with a finger and thumb;

I found it under the radiator Mum.

Bedsheets are reimagined by a skilful tailor 

using left handed safety scissors (Oh Crap)

Where can I be a human?

 

Your radar picks up on my PMT.

It seems irritation is a contagion,

and my frustration overflows 

as water cascades out of the bath 

over and over, you laugh, 

until I shout 

Stop! Just (bloody) stop.

 

The A Team excel in their operations 

with their high tech action montages.

But if I don’t bring my A game 

the whole script falls apart,

and no one knows what the running order is 

and it all descends to back foot and arguments.

 

Where is the space for my humanity 

when I am holding the space for yours?

‘Be the captain of the ship’ the books say. 

What if I’m sea sick and can’t set sail? 

The family vessel takes on water

until we are nowhere good and

anger is crashing in from all sides.

 

No place in the morning 

when the porridge needs so much (fricking) attention 

and the remote can’t be found 

and lego cars are smashing into walls 

and the Scooby Do gang need their voices.

No room here. 

 

Not down Appledoor Avenue where you bound ahead

not taking heed of driveways and indicators.

Getting out of the wrong side of bed 

leads me to bellow.

I want to be firm but fair, 

instead I’m pulling out my eyeballs

and then guilt and despair leads to me to this:

 

‘Am I damaging you?’

 

The day defiantly goes better when I’m feeling better. 

I have the space to laugh at your poo jokes

or you pulling off the car seat mirror. Again. (Fuck)

Or your sincere excuse as to why you broke the placemat in two

I can reflect back to you 

that it’s all okay.

 

Your eyes are like moons.

You literally are the most beautiful thing 

I have ever seen.

It kills me that when I am having a human day, 

and my nerves are frayed, 

your chaotic displays 

just don’t fit inside me.

And I shout 

and lash out 

and everything just goes to shit.

Cause I am a human too,

but I don’t want to put all of that onto you.

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